


101 Ways to Seduce an Absolutely Unfeeling Scientist

by Sabitsuki



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, One-Sided Attraction
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-25
Updated: 2014-03-28
Packaged: 2018-01-16 22:34:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1364194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sabitsuki/pseuds/Sabitsuki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Can it be done?" The age-old question. Whatever it is, the answer is probably yes, as long as there's a little room to bend rules. At least, that's Brainstorm's view on the matter. Now, the Lost Light's one and only genius may have the most difficult task yet ahead of him: winning Perceptor's affections.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Showing Off

Brainstorm first noticed something was amiss when he looked over the list of mechs who had signed up to join the quest. There were a couple familiar names; It was nice to see Atomizer's name near the top of the list; he had a combination crossbow/engex mixer that needed to be tested. Chromedome, he had expected. No doubt that Rewind had dragged him into it so he could go and record “history in the making,” as he always called it.

Brainstorm would've left it at that, if only he hadn't noticed the name of a certain scientist under the 'P' section.

* * *

 

“Chromedome, how could you? You've _wounded_ me with your cruelty. I thought we were _friends_.”

The briefcase clattered as Brainstorm put one hand over his spark in mock betrayal. It had taken a while to track down his friend on the large ship, but Brainstorm was known for his persistence as well as his extreme intellect. Chromedome just stared blankly as Rewind switched on his camera. Brainstorm supposed it was only natural that the little mech would want to record anything the ship's resident genius said, but it was still a tad bit unsettling. He'd just have to bear it for the sake of future generations.

Anyway, he had bigger Sharkticons to fry. “You didn't tell me Perceptor was on board!” He grabbed hold of his friends shoulders and shook him a little, pointedly ignoring the way Rewind choked back a laugh. “You know, Perceptor! Per-cep-tor! The stone cold scientist-turned-sniper! From Kimia! You remember him, right? Perceptor!”

Perceptor may have been a wrecker, but he was also a pretty good scientist. He and Brainstorm had worked together on Kimia, where Brainstorm spent his days making a variety of unique and exciting weapons, like a sound weapon that made optics melt. On the other hand, Perceptor had decided to waste his time on boring things like “lab safety” and “precautionary measures.” The two of them hadn't gotten along well, and they hadn't parted on the best of terms.

So, it wasn't like Brainstorm really cared that Perceptor was on board or anything. He was just upset about having to share his lab space with a lesser scientist. He certainly wasn't _excited_ by the idea of spending hours sequestered away in a lab, all alone with the the smartest mech in the universe.

Second smartest.

The _second_ smartest mech in the universe.

Chromedome, with some effort, managed to pull away and push Brainstorm's hands off of him. “What? What are you talking about? What does Perceptor have to do with anything? I didn't even know he was on board.” Oh, yeah, right. If anyone knew the crew manifest, it would be Chromedome. Brainstorm didn't buy his excuse for even a _nanoklik_. He would have said as much, if Rewind's snickering weren't so slagging distracting.

“What are you _laughing_ about?” Brainstorm snapped at the little archivist.

“You!” Brainstorm's indignant glare only served to make Rewind laugh harder. “I'm sorry- but- it's just so _cute_!”

“Brainstorm? _Cute_?” Chromedome was starting to laugh as well. Right. Yuk it up while you can, Domey, because Brainstorm had a few new inventions just _waiting_ to be tested. “What are you on about?”

“You don't see it?”

“See _what_?” Brainstorm cut into the conversation. If there was something funny going on, he wanted to know about it. Apparently, the joke here was him. Even with Brainstorm's perfect sense of humor, he found nothing to laugh about.

“The way you're just head-over-heels for Perceptor.” Rewind's laughter had died down to a few quiet chuckles, but Brainstorm still felt his faceplates heating up with some toxic mixture of rage and embarrassment. Him? Head-over-heels for _Perceptor_? Rewind couldn't have picked a bigger stick-in-the-mud to assume he had affections for! There was absolutely no compatibility between them! Apparently Rewind's small size meant that he had an appropriately small processor. Brainstorm tried to find it in his spark to forgive the dull minibot, but Chromedome had broken out into another barking laugh.

“ _Now_ what?”

“You're never going to be able to convince him! I mean, Perceptor?” The mnemosurgeon was having a hard time containing his chuckles. “I never thought he'd be your type! But now that Rewind's mentioned it...”

“He is not my type! And I could absolutely woo him if I wanted to!” Brainstorm shook his fist, the briefcase clattering loudly as if to echo its owner's angry shouts. “If I wanted to, I could have Perceptor _begging_ to get into my berth!”

“No way! You said it yourself, he's stone cold!” Chromedome shook his head. “Perceptor's more likely to take one of his projects to the berth than you.”

“Is that a challenge?” The ship's one and only genius still had no interest at all in Perceptor, but a mech of his caliber couldn't just let a challenge go unanswered. “Because I'll do it. Perceptor's still got a sparkpluse, hasn't he? He won't be able to resist, if I really put my mind to it.”

“Alright, then!” Rewind piped up, having finally stopped his giggling. “Shake on it. Brainstorm, you've got to woo Perceptor by...”

“By the time we get back to Cybertron.” Chromedome finished. “If you do it, I'll buy you a drink when we get back. If you don't...” He thought for a moment, when Rewind gently tugged on his hand. Chromedome ducked lower to listen to Rewind's idea before standing up again. “If you can't do it, you have to say that Perceptor's a better scientist.” Another tug from Rewind. “ _And_ you have to let Rewind record you saying it.” He reached out, intent on shaking Brainstorm's hand to seal the deal.

For approximately 2.67 seconds, Brainstorm was unsure. Perceptor was seriously cold. That mech probably didn't find anything other than _microscopes_ attractive. Not only that, but the terms of this bet seemed a little... Skewed. Not in his favor, either. Brainstorm had doubts that a drink was worth letting an insufferable little archivist record him slandering himself.

By the third second, he was shaking Chromedomes outstretched hand.

“Deal.” He said. As the smartest mech on board- no, the smartest mech in the _universe_ \- there was nothing he couldn't handle. Besides, a round trip to Cyberutopia and back was plenty of time to seduce someone, even if that someone was a boring lump of metal like Perceptor.

* * *

 

At least, that's how it was in theory.

In reality, Brainstorm was finding himself hard-pressed to come up with something. Originally, he figured that showing off a particularly impressive piece of work would do the trick. All he had to do was demonstrate one of his powerful and utterly perfect weapons, and Perceptor would be dying for a tumble in the berth. Turns out, things weren't that simple.

With someone like Perceptor, they never were.

Perceptor, being the sparkless drone he was, just made corrections to some of Brainstorm's equations and resumed work on setting up his own little corner of the lab. Perceptor had made corrections. _Corrections_. As if Brainstorm needed any correcting! His inside-out gun was perfectly fine the way it was! Perceptor had _no business_ messing with Brainstorm's work. Even if Brainstorm could seduce someone as frigid as Perceptor, he wasn't sure he wanted to anymore.

He would've abandoned the bet then and there, denied it ever happened, and forgotten about the whole affair if it weren't for one thing.

Rewind had been recording the entire time. The slagging little _glitch_ had hard evidence that Brainstorm had taken the bet, and the brilliant scientist refused to let his reputation be forever tarnished by his friend's _lover_. No, he'd go through with the bet. He just needed to think of a way to woo the other scientist without showing off, because Perceptor clearly couldn't keep a handle on his jealousy.

No... Brainstorm would have to do something else.

What that was, he'd have to find out later.


	2. Playing Nice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not planning to stop this for a while, so don't worry! Even if I do get burned out, it's likely that I'll come back sooner rather than later.

The day only got worse.

First of all, there was some kind of explosion that sent the Lost Light way off course. At the time, Brainstorm had been making a few changes to his inside-out gun. Not that it needed them or anything; he was just humoring Perceptor's previous suggestions, completely out of curiosity. He wanted to see what Perceptor's obviously flawed ideas would produce. There was no way to find out now, though, because Brainstorm had accidentally dropped the weapon during the explosion and hadn't seen it since.

Anyway, something like 40 Autobots were missing, lost when the explosion busted the ship's hold. Apparently, no one had any idea where they were on the map, either. The Lost Light was far from home and lives had probably been lost. The hopeless black void of space had them in a stranglehold.

But worse than any of that, Perceptor wasn't paying attention to him.

Perceptor and Highbrow were hard at work on formulas and tests to find out why they had jumped across the galaxy, when the answer was very clearly the Duobot fused with the engine block. Brainstorm had long since given up on trying to get Perceptor to just turn in his results, and had begun pacing back and forth. A quick glance told him that Perceptor was still trying to find out if the issue had “compromised the integrity of the generator” or whatever. Why did something like that even matter?

At some point after the previous attempt at seducing the other scientist, Brainstorm realized that Perceptor just didn't appreciate a good gun the way he did. However, the answer was not far off. Perceptor was weird, even among an oddball group of scientists. He probably had no friends. He probably had a _negative_ amount of friends. It was only logical that Perceptor would be completely unused to someone being nice to him. The slightest amount of positive interaction would leave someone as unwanted as Perceptor begging for more.

So, Brainstorm made a valiant effort at treating Perceptor as nicely as he possibly could. He decided to let Perceptor be the one to tell Rodimus the problem. He said “thanks” when Perceptor had the _nerve_ to try correcting his formulas again. He even let Perceptor borrow his personal tools!

Well, not that Perceptor had asked to borrow anything yet. It was only a matter of time, though. Brainstorm stopped to pick up one of his wrenches and pressed a button on the side. The electric prod at the end of the wrench flared to life, crackling loudly and sending sparks flying.

Yes, no one in the universe had tools quite like Brainstorm's.

Another quick glance told Brainstorm that Perceptor was still wasting time on... Whatever it was. It was pointless enough that Brainstorm had already forgotten about it completely. His gaze flicked down to the wrench in his hand, then back to Perceptor. Maybe he just hadn't noticed how much better Brainstorm's tools were? After all, Perceptor was totally removed from reality. It wasn't a stretch to say that he might've gotten so lost in his pointless tests that he simply hadn't seen them.

If that was the case, then it was Brainstorm's duty to help his fellow scientist.

He sauntered over to Perceptor's area of work, and waited oh-so-patiently to be noticed. After about six seconds of being ignored, he reset his vocalizer and began tapping his wrench on the console. Another two seconds of this torture, and he reset his vocalizer again.

Finally, Perceptor looked up. “Is there something you need, Brainstorm?”

“No, but-”

Perceptor went back to his work. “Then I apologize, but we will have to discuss this at later time. I'm currently occupied.”

Brainstorm huffed impatiently, but moved away from the console. He made sure to leave the wrench behind, though. Perceptor would notice it eventually, and when he did, he'd demand to know who had made such a wonderful invention. Then Brainstorm would admit to its creation and let Perceptor borrow it, Perceptor would overload out of joy on the spot, and Brainstorm would win the bet and laugh in Chromedome's face. 

* * *

 

Almost ten minutes later the wrench was still sitting untouched where Brainstorm left it. Maybe Perceptor was actually _blind_ , and just very good at hiding it. Not just that, but the scientist had finished whatever it was he was working on...

And started on something else.

It was mind boggling. How could someone be so utterly dense? It was either that, or Perceptor had noticed what was going on and was consciously ignoring it. He was a cold-sparked fragger. Brainstorm wouldn't put it past Perceptor to sit there and act aloof just to be irritating. He was so busy fuming, he almost missed it when Perceptor began groping around his work area in search of something. He stopped dwelling on the other scientist's total obliviousness when Perceptor grabbed hold of the wrench, and seeing it seemingly for the first time, hit the button on the side.

The electric prod on the end flared to life, zapping Perceptor's hand as the scientist let out an undignified yelp. The wrench clattered to the floor, still sparking and shaking. Perceptor stared down at the tool and backed a few steps away.

“What- This isn't-  _Who does this belong to_?!” Perceptor grimaced at the wrench, then examined his hand, checking for damages.

Here it was. Time for Brainstorm to shine. He casually walked over and picked up the wrench, switching it off. He affixed Perceptor with a smoldering gaze, optics bright. “It's mine.” He said, his voice smooth and inticing. “But out of the pure kindness of my spark, I'll let you borrow it.” He held the wrench out to Perceptor.

The ungrateful little malfunction just glared at the tool as if it had insulted him or something. “Brainstorm, I realize that you sporadically find bizarre inventions to be a desideratum, but I cannot even _fathom_ what serviceability one could find in a wrench that _electrocutes_ its _user_.” He looked Brainstorm right in the optics. “It's completely nonviable! Worse than that, it's dangerous! What were you _thinking_?”

An awkward silence bloomed. Seconds stretched into minutes, the uncomfortable, smothering silence becoming ever more prevalent as neither mech deigned to speak with the other. Highbrow looked up from his own work, decided he wanted absolutely no part of this, and redoubled his efforts on ignoring the other two mechs in the room. Brainstorm, suddenly doubtful, broke optic contact with Perceptor and looked down at his wrench.

What was he thinking?

He was thinking it would be really cool to have a wrench that he could flip over and zap someone with. And it _was_ cool. Perceptor, special sniper modifications notwithstanding, simply had no eye for the finer things in life.

“Fine, whatever. Suit yourself.” Brainstorm snapped, pulling back his wrench. Without another word, he stormed back to his own little corner of the room, leaving the two _perfectionists_ to their “work.” He fired up his comm and called Rodimus, making a show of turning aside.

Yeah, okay, he had promised to let Perceptor make the report, but that was before the stupid twat _insulted_ his _wrench_. 

“Rodimus? It's me." He shot the other scientist a look. " _Ship's genius_.”

The comm crackled as Rodimus gave his response.

“Perceptor?”

Brainstorm wanted to scream.

 


	3. Moving In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VBlFHuCzPgY

There was something incredibly frustrating about Perceptor. It wasn't just his awful personality- there was something else. Brainstorm walked back into the engine room after a brief visit outside, in which he had found the mangled corpses of Hyperion and Polaris on the ground. Now that everyone was accounted for, Brainstorm was free to return to keeping a critical optic on Perceptor's work.

Brainstorm watched the other scientist with contempt, watched the way Perceptor absently crossed his arms and surveyed the damages. He watched the way Perceptor's broad shoulders moved when he reached up to make adjustments to the broken engine, the way Perceptor ever-so-slightly chewed his bottom lip. Brainstorm thought that all of it was _totally_ unattractive and he desperately wondered how to get out of the bet.

But what could he possibly do? Even if he told Chromedome about Perceptor's appalling reaction to the custom-made wrench, there would be no pity. Brainstorm had known his friend long enough to know that he'd just be laughed at and get a holovid of his pitiful story later, courtesy of Rewind. The only way out was to admit defeat...

Or win.

It seemed impossible, sure, but however infinitely small, the chance _wasn't_ zero. Brainstorm's pride was on the line; even if the road was rocky and hard, he'd just have to find a way. So, ideas. He needed ideas. He cast a furtive glance at Perceptor and Highbrow, just to make sure they weren't paying attention. Well of _course_ they weren't paying attention. Perceptor hadn't so much as looked over since Brainstorm had called Rodimus.

Satisfied that he wasn't being watched, Brainstorm grabbed a datapad and began putting together a list. Time to live up to his name. What would someone like Perceptor like? Well, probably nothing, but that wasn't a very good attitude. Think positive, Brainstorm. What would Perceptor like?

It was no surprise that it took Brainstorm the better part of an hour just to come up with a few ideas that could work.

“Brainstorm.” The mech in question nearly jumped when Perceptor was suddenly standing in front of him with a curious expression on his face. “I've fixed the engines.”

“So? Do you want an energon stick for doing your job? Anyone could've done that.” He said brusquely, quickly hiding the datapad containing The List.

“Rodimus wants us to go to the bridge. It was just broadcast.” Perceptor ignored Brainstorm's little outburst. “Please try to pay more attention to what's going on around you.” He turned away and headed for the elevator.

“And Brainstorm?” Perceptor glanced back. “I assure you that whatever schematisc you have on that datapad, I have no intention of looking at it. I am still trying to _forget_ the ones you showed me during our stay at Kimia.”

It suddenly occurred to Brainstorm that there was no way he'd ever be able to survive a long-term relationship with this mech. What was he supposed to do if his plans worked too well and he couldn't get rid of Perceptor? What if Perceptor wanted to spend time with him in the hopes of somehow absorbing a modicum of intelligence from a superior scientist? It was a terrible thought, almost too terrible to bear.

“I'll think of something.” He muttered to himself as he watched Perceptor walk away. “I always do.”

* * *

 

On the bridge, Chromedome and Rewind were already waiting around and talking about the day's events. Rewind gushed about the great footage he was getting, Chromedome fussed about how dangerous things were already, and Brainstorm did his best to walk by unnoticed. No such luck. Chromedome noticed him just as he was nearly out of the mnemosurgeon's field of vision.

“Brainstorm!” Chromedome called. With a dramatic sigh, Brainstorm turned and walked over to his friend. Somehow, even with a visor and mask, Chromedome gave the perfect image of a smirk. “How's the bet going? Does Perceptor love you yet?”

“No-” Chromedome's smug look intensified. “But it _will_ happen!” Brainstorm pointed down at Rewind, the briefcase dangling from his wrist. “Sorry to disappoint, but I am not adding anything to your archive.”

Rewind simply looked amused. “We'll see.” He said.

Brainstorm had another witty retort prepared, but was cut off by Rodimus's announcement. A few words about the day's events: dead Duobot, which Brainstorm already knew about, dead Hyperion and Polaris, which Brainstorm had been the one to _find_ , and then a call for questions. Whirl asked something stupid, Swerve said something equally stupid, and none of it really mattered, because Brainstorm finally found Perceptor in the crowd.

“You'll see.” He whispered to his friends. “I'll have results before you know it.” He took his leave of them, and crept through the large group towards the last place he had seen Perceptor.

Abruptly, Rodimus called for everyone's attention, mentioning some kind of incident on the lower decks. “...pair off, find a habitation suite, and wait inside until I give the all-clear. Everyone, that is, except Ratchet, Trailbreaker, and Chromedome. You three...” The captain gave some directions, picking a few mechs out to take with him to deal with the “incident.”

...Pair off, find a habitation suite, and wait inside.

Brainstorm's brilliant mind effortlessly jumped to a conclusion. This was it. If he could get Perceptor into a hab suite, he'd have plenty of time alone with the other scientist to work his charms. This would be helpful, no, _essential_ for winning the bet. The only issue was dumping Perceptor once the bet was finished with, but he'd probably be able to switch rooms and stay with someone who was less neurotic.

“So, um, til all are one!”

He barely even noticed when Rodimus finished talking. The one thing on his mind was getting to Perceptor, and, more importantly, getting into a room with Perceptor. He spotted the bright red mech just as he left the room, clearly on his way down to the habitation floor. There was no need to panic. Brainstorm could still get there first, before any arrangements were made permanent. He'd just have to take the elevator and stop Perceptor before he found a room.

Brainstorm skirted the crowd and made a beeline for the elevator. He was pleasantly surprised to find that everyone else had gone for the ramps, leaving him alone with all the space he wanted. One hand holding onto his briefcase, he hopped aboard and hit the button for the habitation floor, then waited patiently as some soothing music began to play.

* * *

 

Ten minutes later, the music was no longer soothing. Either the Lost Light was considerably larger than Brainstorm had originally thought, or the elevator was broken. After about two minutes of being trapped, Brainstorm had tried to force the doors open to no avail. He was stuck, with only his briefcase and the music for company.

Tap. Tap.

THUNK.

Something was on top of the elevator. Brainstorm was torn between fury at the immensely long amount of time rescue took, or joy at actually being _found_. He had half expected to rust in there for the rest of his life. When _Skids_ of all mechs popped in from the roof demanding to be taken to the engine rooms, Brainstorm settled for confusion. “What's going on? It's Skids, right? ” He asked. “We all thought you were _de_ -”

“ _Just take us to the damn engine rooms!_ ” The theoritician shouted, only moments before the ceiling was _ripped_ off the top of the elevator with a shriek of rent metal by some kind of tentacled _freak._

“No, foul beast-” Brainstorm had absolutely, definitely said without a speck of fear in his voice. “I am _too smart_ to be killed!” And with a swing of his mighty briefcase, the monster scampered away in fear. Skids and the scrawny little guy with him had both run off somewhere as well. Brainstorm looked up from behind his briefcase, and found that the monster had torn a nice big hole in the elevator door during its desperate escape.

A hallway was clearly visible outside. Apparently, only the door had been broken.

With shaky legs, Brainstorm stepped off the elevator, and onto the habitation floor.

 

The music continued to play.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Just a fun little thing to do in my spare time! Characters may be a bit OOC, I don't know.  
> Tags to be added as things progress.


End file.
